The dismal&dark depths of my mind.

Exaggeration intentional.

I'm afraid my impulsive decision to post this blog is unlikely to result in a display of poetic prose or inspiring literature and instead you'll be subjected to the ramblings of my scatty mind. My thoughts are anything but clear, particularly when under the habitual influence of caffiene, computer screen and melancholy melody. In fact you could use such pretentious wordplay to write a book about my daily life. I jest, I'm not that sad. This is the internet, everyone's interesting and original on the internet... ;).

Moving on to the dismal&dark depths of my mind...



Ever since I can remember I've had a low concentration span/boredom threshold. At the risk of sounding childish, it's an immovable force that blocks my progress and aids my procrastination. Laziness, thought detestable, is a footprint of my personality. I do attempt to be productive, I just get distracted/busy/booked up/thinking/talking/singing and I leave whatever said thing is to the 'last minute'. I regret it afterwards and tell myself I won't do it again. Of course, you and I both know that I'm lying, only with the purest intentions. I like to imagine a change of scenery and greater sense of purpose will change this negative pattern but I partially believe it's an inherent trait. I try to make plans. I try to make decisions and not change my mind. I may not be Doing a great deal but I do Do a great deal of Thinking. And when I think, I think about doing. Thing is, while I'm thinking about doing what I think I should be doing, I wonder what the point is. Unexpected, I'm sure but true nontheless.

From my constant observation, I see hopelessness all around me. People plan their lives away and rarely do the great things happen. Often, when they do they aren't quite what they expected. I don't want a 9-5 job in an office with a boss I can't stand because it means I can pay off a mortgage on my bricks&water and start a family with my soon to be detested husband. Or even worse. We'll get bored of each other. And divorce; the way that so many marriages go. Producing children that you want to love you and make your aging days worth it when in reality they'll convince themselves they hate you during adolescence and treat you with less respect than you once imagined. Pessimistic, perhaps. Realistic? Possibly. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually quite the incurable optimist but I've been posessed by a brand of realism that isn't so uplifting when you grow up in the depressing pseudo-suburbia of greater London/Essex/nowhere land. So when I'm dizzying myself in the ambitious heights of my mind I often wonder why I bother when my laziness and probable future sets out to go against my 'plans'.

Thinking is powerful but doing is better.

Things I Love Thursday

Finding out more about my Chinese horoscope - the Monkey and indoctrinating my work mates into it as well.

Eating my mum's chocolate cake. It's heavenly.

Receiving an email from the BBC saying I impressed them with my (impromptu) application!

Drinking Dr Pepper on this hot day

The fact we've actually managed to have a hot day

My brother's poem 'Beasts of Freedom' that he wrote when he was about 14. It's amazing.

Being in bed right now.

The fact that my volunteering email was replied to.

Listening to Depeche Mode in bed while drinking tea. Nice.

Tattoos

Ever since I saw the video to Aerosmith's Cryin' as a little girl, I've wanted a tattoo. Actually, I've always wanted to be a part of the Aerosmith video trilogy: Crazy, Cryin' and Amazing. Riding around America on motorbike, chasing Josh Holloway down the street because he stole your bag, escaping from school early to go on a mini road trip with your best friend...it all seemed so much more interesting than a usual weekend. I feel I'm deviating from the point of my post: Tattoos!
I love tattoos; to me they instantly add interest to a person. Sure sure, we're all individual and everyone is attractive in their own right but a tattoo sets you apart (unless you're walking around Camden market) as it's an artistic expression that you've painted onto your own body, forever. Like when you scribbled on yourself as a child but this time with a particularly hardcore crayon. As far as I'm aware, most people think they're a symbol for the insecure and the weird but I prefer the terms 'unique' and 'misunderstood'. Men look particularly appealing with them, especially with dark eyes, long hair and a penchant for the 'gothic' look. Oo-er. That's just personal opinion, mind. Either way: tattoos are a winner.
That being said, I'm still unsure of whether to have one. Partially because I'm as indecisive as a pair of scales and partially because of the safety risk - a dodgy needle is all it takes to acquire Hepatitis and I don't really fancy that, if I'm honest.
Design-wise I'm thinking of a simple black rose which I may later have coloured in but probably won't (a prime example of my indecision!). Black's the best tattoo colour isn't it? Red and green are lovely though...
Will I do it? Maybe when I'm at a more exciting period in my life and hopefully off travelling somewhere. On my motorbike,without my handbag, with my best friend clasping my hand as I'm soothed by the music of a classic rock band.

Things I Love Thursday

I love:


The picture to the left.


My unimaginably generous orthodontist Mark and his assist Vicky, who have the patience of a saint.


Orange bracket braces. I'm cool .


Suzanne Vega - Left of center.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YIBmZjONtA&NR=1



Using the laptop underneath the covers in bed while everyone else is busy outside.

Tea. Forever. And ever.

Having holiday from work

Finding out my 'life path number' is 4 and that it's a rare number to be. Apparently meaning 'the builder', I'm a hard worker who could achieve lots in life.

Chocolate biscuits evidently, as I've eaten 8 today...must stop!

Smiling at old ladies in the street because it makes them feel good.

Listening to the birds sing as I type.

The fact I wrote some nice 'poetry' on the tube in my little pink book.

Actually, I love my little pink book itself.

How to spot a ThinkingGirl

Just like anything in life, there are many variations of a thinker. But luckily stereotypes exist for a reason and can consequently provide Joe Bloggs with a guide of how to spot a ThinkingGirl.

If you are that ThinkingGirl, mentally tick off any of the following that applies to you and if you find more than 5, Congratulations! You're a bonafide geek.

1. Awkwardness. It may not sound like an actual word but it is, and you personify it with your inverted body language, your shifty eyes and your sub-conscious hair touching. Bless you.

2. Glasses. Yes, I went there. Glasses make you hotter and add extra perceived intelligence; where's the bad?

3. Articulation. People who use 'complex' vocabulary to express themselves without relying on colloquialisms, refrains such as 'like' and 'woah' interspersed with a repetitive "d'you know what I mean?" are usually the clever ones.

4. Manners. Those who are 'thinkers' have manners because they realise the importance of being considerate to other people. Leading me onto...

5.Compassion. Women are generally known for their empathetic ability but a ThinkingGirl's desire to fix the world often manifests itself in: a subscription to War Child, volunteering for Crisis and fundraising events for Amnesty International more than their dimmer counterparts.

6. Gamer knowledge. Personally I cannot vouch for this but ask all readers of GirlGamer and players of Fable 3 and I'm sure they'll be the deep & meaningful type. Just with added guy-geek appeal.

7. Guitar-based music. She listens to The Smiths, The Cure and The Libertines? She's a thinker.

8. A penchant for nostalgia. ThinkingGirl's have this silly habit of believing they were simply 'born in the wrong era' so culturally surround themselves with the likes of John Hughes films and David Bowie LP's. What they don't tell her is that women felt just as disenfranchised back then, just in different ways. Nevertheless, she doesn't need telling because the 'thinker' will have worked it out for herself.

9. Typical uniform: tartan-checked shirts, dr martens, converse, black attire, rings, silver jewellery, punk-inspired wristbands, colourful hair, brunette/ginger hair especially, pale skin, slim figure, baggy jeans, greens and blues, substantial lack of make-up and additional tattoos/piercings.

10. She loves fantasy films, science fiction and quirky comedy.

Why I created this blog:

There's more to my life than shoes, chocolate and shopping. I've seen about 2 and a half episodes of Sex and the City and I don't think all men are like toilets...
I also happen to know that there are lots of other women who feel the same way! So this is a place where you can celebrate being an outcast and share tips on how to release your inner geek.
Read me.
You know you want to.